08 April 2009

phone conversation

in one of my classes i was introduced to a website called Learning To Love You More and i have been doing several of the assignments. the one that i most recently have done is number 52. write a phone call you wish you could have. when i chose to do this one i had several different ones i wish i could have had.
this is when i reached a bump in the road. should i make something funny? should i be a downer and write something serious? why do i care what people think? i have never been one to be serious but this particular task made me want to do something serious. you see, my grandfather passed away last semester and i wish that i was able to have one last conversation with him. my mom told me to go visit him that friday and me being me decided to be selfish and walk around the city and not stop by. he had heart failure that sunday on my way to the airport back to school. to me that was the day my gido died, even though he lived until december 26. so if i could have one phone call this is how it would go:

me: hello?

gido: hello alanna


Gido: No, this is not one of my jokes

Me: Gido!! I miss you so much. How is heaven? Is it as good as we think?

Gido: Yes!! It is all you could think of and more. I see your GooGoo all the time!

Me: Oh! That sounds so much fun. Gido, I'm so sorry I was so selfish and did not take the time to go see you. I wish that i was able to spend more time with you. you were the best ever. all i could think of that sunday was how much i wished i went to see you, and call you more and wrote to you more. i did save all of your letters to me though! i read them sometimes when i miss you.

gido: it's ok alanna. i forgive you...

me: (interupting as usual) i wish i was a better granddaughter. i loved your jokes and cooking. 

gido: do you still have the hummus recipe?

me: yes!! i saved it...you made the best! don't get me wrong, i love grandma but you were the king of hummus. speaking of grandma...i really miss your jokes and how we would play pranks on everyone. 

gido: you have to keep up that tradition! be sure to bring up grandmas hometown. 

me: umm obviously gido!! you know that i love the jokes...uncle wally stole my letter by the way...you know your fav one?? i'm so mad about it

gido: ok alanna, i have to go now but i love me

me: wait gido before you go i just want to let know you that i'm sorry i never went to see you in the hospital when you were brain dead. i just couldn't handle it. i didn't want to see you like that. you were always laughing and had a smile on your face....i just couldn't see you that way. i'm sorry i didn't cry at your funeral either. i was in a state of shock and i hate crying in front of people. but i do cry sometimes...like in my sleep or in my car when i'm on a long drive. i do think of you all the time. i love you. 

gido: alanna, you are amazing and no matter what i love you.

me: i love you too gido. you are the best grandfather ever! 

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